Self-Love

Create better boundaries for productivity

John

My clients come to me looking for ways to reduce the stress of the many commitments and to-dos they have. They are looking to reduce time and improve their time management skills. They also want clear structures for their business to feel in control.

Does this sound familiar?

Many people are talking about boundaries and how to apply them. This is a crucial topic, and it’s rightly so. Most of us would benefit from better boundaries. This isn’t your usual post about what you’ve already heard about boundaries.

IF YOU HAVE BOUNDARIES, BURNOUT 

Burnout is a result of learned and societal beliefs. These beliefs say that we must work hard and need to work long hours to succeed. These beliefs say that women need to be there for others, particularly those around them. It would help if you were helpful but not ask for it. Feeling tired or at your limit means that you are weak. These beliefs teach us that a strong woman won’t tell others when struggling. If everyone else is managing, then she should be able to.

Do any of these sound familiar?

There are many types of burnout. Burnout can manifest as feeling exhausted, unable to relax, feeling like you have no time for yourself, or pushing through the day. There are also more serious cases like exhaustion and passing out. But, it is not acceptable for anyone to admit that they are burned out. You don’t want to experience burnout, but it is important to talk about it when it happens to dispel the negative connotations.

You may feel that you don’t have enough time or cannot keep up with the demands of life.

Lack of boundaries is what causes burnout. You can create a zone of burnout-free living if you set clear boundaries in concrete, not sand.

Three Boundary Blocks

These are the three mindset blocks that can prevent us from setting clear boundaries and instead allow us to invite time-thieves into our lives.

YOU HAVE A BELIEF YOU MUST SHOW UP AND HELP ALL OTHERS

Block one looks like this: “Sure, we can do that for you,” even though the thought is too overwhelming to bear.

A lack of self-love and self-worth is common. It is believed that you must be there for everyone and everything first before you can be there for yourself. Your time is not your responsibility others control it. Most people believe that being there for everyone is your responsibility. This doesn’t mean you should set boundaries. This belief can be changed by practicing self-love, solidifying self-worth standards and setting high standards for self-worth to know what and how you are willing to show up.

YOU ARE A BELIEVER THAT YOU HAVE TO DO THE RIGHT THINGS TO KEEP PEACE

Block two looks like this: “She would probably be mad at you if I cancelled now.”

Uncovering this belief and shifting it:

You may be disconnected from your relationship and feel driven by external validations or expectations. You may overcommit to certain things and say yes to them even though you don’t have the time or desire to do so. Or you might not even know what you want. This is about improving your relationship with yourself and clarifying what you want and need. Therefore, you make decisions based on your intentions and not what others think you should do.

YOU HAVE A BELIEF YOU MUST ALWAYS BE “ACHIEVING” OR PRODUCTIVE

Block three looks like this: “I don’t have enough time.” “I feel like I don’t have enough time for myself.”

You feel like you are always on the hamster wheel, constantly being productive and busy, and taking a break can make you anxious. This one is for you. If you have trouble sitting still or doing nothing, it makes you feel lazy.

Uncovering this belief and shifting it:

This is due to the belief that you must always do things productively to achieve your goals. If you don’t do these activities, you will feel anxious, lazy, or stressed. Because of the negative emotions that arise when you try and slow down or turn off, this belief can prevent you from creating the balance you want in your life. Intentional boundaries are used to create the balance you desire.

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