Self-care can feel like a cruel joke to many mothers. It is a practice that only the wealthy or those have the time and money to afford a facial or massage. Self-care is often overlooked or reserved for those rare occasions when you are not needed.

Even though the day is done and the little ones have gone to bed, self-care falls to the bottom of the list. You never feel urgent enough or efficient enough to finish.

Some people associate“self-care” with drinking wine and eating cupcakes while their skin is drenched inexpensive cream. Others may need to take a shower, brush their teeth, or walk before lunch.

Moms are trying to find self-care in this time of crisis. They want to be more present and happier. Unfortunately, many are disappointed to discover that transformational self-care is not possible with expensive skin creams.

We must redefine how we see self-care today to support mothers lovingly and effectively

We are doing our moms a disservice by not pointing out the many surface-level ways she can take care of herself. You’ll be fine if you take a shower and use a cream to moisturize your skin. Burnout will magically disappear.

Self-care is more than what you see on Instagram. Self-care is not something you should add to your to-do list. It’s a mindset that’s constantly evolving and can be practiced properly.

If we change the definition of self-care to include bubble baths and learning to say no, mothers will discover the true empowerment that comes from creating a self-care practice. Once you have established this, self-care will no longer need to be added to your to-do lists. A good self-care system will create a pending list.

Want to know more? Here are three ways to create sustainable, transformational self-care.

Set healthy boundaries

Are you running out of time? It’s a powerful way to self-care and clears your calendar.

We can have more time and money if we let go of the need to be a “yes-woman”. To spend what we love most.

Look at your calendar to see which commitments and responsibilities you can decline or let go of. It might be awkward at first, but it will become easier to say No with practice. Remember that saying “No” to others doesn’t make you a bad mother. It will help you be more present and grounded when showing up.

Ask for help

Although asking for help is not always easy, it’s a powerful way of caring deeply for yourself.

Support from others can help you remember that you are not alone, and it can also remind you to take on some of the mental burdens of motherhood. You don’t have to do motherhood all by yourself. So, practice reaching out to others who can help you in small and large ways.

Asking others for help is a form of mental self-care. It also allows you to make more time for other self-care practices throughout the day.