Surprising habits that are holding you back from having a truly healthy relationship

Noemi J. Mullins

In our minds, love is a box of heart-shaped chocolates or the final page of a book. But in reality, it’s not a fairytale or an easy task. In 2022, the quest for love will look more like a week-long texting session that ends in nothing more than a romantic montage. In addition to the fact that the last few decades have been more like a horror film than a romantic comedy, many of us still have habits that prevent us from having the most fulfilling relationship, regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not.

This article is not for you if a relationship does not rank high on your priority list. Throw on the playlist and read this. Keep on being yourself.

The good news is that we can change the bad habits that are holding us back. But it will take some brutal honesty and a re-evaluation of what happiness really means. If you and your partner are always in the same fight, or if you swipe right on every dating site without success, these eight habits could be affecting your relationship.

Commitment is difficult for you in other areas of life.

You’re totally committed to your partner. (Congratulations!) You may be so eager to get into a relationship you are willing to go all in when you find the right person. If you are unhappy with the city in which you live or you cannot stick to a single job, you may have commitment issues in other areas of life. What’s the problem with commitment issues that don’t involve a relationship affecting your love? You might not be open to new relationships if you are waiting for a major change in your life, such as moving into a different city or beginning a job.

You may feel hesitant about forming a relationship with someone else (including deepening your connection with an existing partner) when you are waiting for the changes to come in your life. This is because you fear the unknown. Instead, focus on creating the life you desire before concentrating on finding a partner. Or, figure out how to make your current partner fit into that dream life.

You want to be in a relationship with someone so badly that you don’t care who it is.

Imagine this: you really want to get married, so you ignore all warning signs and red flags because you have already invested too much in your relationship. You may be attracted to someone because you think they are ” the One.” (You’re tired of being alone!). Sounds familiar? You may be more concerned about being in a relationship rather than being in the correct connection. You’re in love more with the idea than with someone, and this is not conducive to a successful relationship.

Take some time to reflect on why you are in a relationship. Do you want to be with someone to make your life better or have a plus one? All we want to do is be happy. Remember that being in a bad relationship won’t help you get there.

You reply to each text, DM, or email. You respond to every reader, DM, email, etc.

In 2022, the majority of people are addicted to their phones. Maybe you feel the need to respond immediately when a Slack message from your boss pops up at 9:30 pm, or you want to get back to your friend ASAP when she’s texting you about boy problems (#beentheredonethat). Being constantly distracted means that you are not present and cannot give your partner your full attention.

This will also train your brain to ignore the present moment. You may miss out on a good relationship (and no, I’m not talking about accidentally swipe left when you meant to swipe right). Turn off notifications and set aside designated phone time. Then, actively focus on being present.

Asking for what you want is not enough.

You’ll likely have difficulty communicating your needs in a relationship if you’re not able to share with others, whether it’s at work, home, or even friends. You may want to be given more responsibilities by your boss or more calls from your sister, but you are not vocal about your feelings and what you expect. You need a mind reader, not a partner if you are expecting things without communicating.

Ask for what you need with empathy and respect. Set up a with your boss and discuss how you can assume more responsibility. Also, let your sister and your brother know that you miss them and would like to talk more. You will be able to communicate more effectively and openly when you meet the right person. Communication is key to achieving a perfect relationship.

You expect the perfect relationship.

This article may be about finding or achieving a “perfect relationship,” but if you are looking for perfection, it could hold you back. I’ll explain: A “perfect” relationship should be characterized by healthy, happy, and respectful love. It does not mean that you and your partner will always get along or that they are perfect. If you expect your relationship to be perfect (and that of your partner), then your expectations will be unrealistic and unattainable, regardless of who you are with. The love in the best relationships should be perfect, but the partner doesn’t need to be. Accept people as they are, but don’t rush to change them.

You don’t like the way your body looks.

Unfortunately, sometimes, our bodies prevent us from having or finding a great relationship. It’s not that there’s something wrong with our body, but rather because we believe that there is. Lack of confidence is the number one thing that prevents us from finding or committing to someone special. We fear we don’t deserve love, or we reject people because we feel we aren’t up to their standards. Lack of confidence can affect intimacy in relationships.

Start focusing more on your own opinion of others. You are obviously meeting their standards. You’re obviously up to their standards (duh! Remember that how you feel about yourself is not the same as what other people think. Turn up the Lizzo to boost your self-esteem, and remember that confidence is more attractive than any pant size.

Your habits are not healthy.

You have heard that in order to be loved by someone else, you must love yourself. This is true. However, it would make more sense if I said that you cannot take care of someone else if you don’t care for yourself. You can take care of yourself by (i.e. prioritize your mental health and feeding your body with the nutrients that it craves. And you are intuitive when you need to feel better. This energy will not only make you more attractive to others but also change your feelings about yourself. Work on overcoming bad habits. Implement simple practices that will improve your life. And becoming a happier individual.

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