If you’re with children or adults, for any amount of time, you’ll soon get the message “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it” or “I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention to hurt you.” Then the person or child continues their life as if nothing were to happen.

If we weren’t thinking about it, why did we commit the crime? Why can we so easily ignore our behavior by making an innocent comment?

The Underlying Meaning of a Communication Is Its Truth

If we’ve hurt someone, Why do we try to minimize the sting of our actions by saying that we “didn’t mean to.” This is usually an excuse for unintentional behavior or things we’re not ready to accept responsibility for. It’s similar to a teenager’s “I dunno know” response, a crypto-related comment intended to keep us from other discoveries. Yet, “I didn’t mean it” is now so standard that we’ve come to accept it as a fact.

The actions of our lives speak more clearly and truthfully than our actions. When our words aren’t in line with our efforts, it’s the actions we take that reveal our motives most honestly. Sorry, but not sorry won’t suffice. The former Austrian psychiatrist Dr. Alfred Adler was famously quoted as saying,

“Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words.”

The leading causes of harmful behavior are unprocessed emotions, unconscious hurt, and inability to satisfy requirements. We might mean by “I didn’t mean it” that it was not triggered by conscious thought or motivation. However, if we dig deeper, we’ll often uncover hidden emotions or needs that we haven’t recognized.

It is possible to hurt ourselves if we harm someone else. A hurtful act towards another could be a method of expressing our hurt and sending an SOS that we’re breaking. It could or might not have been the specific person that hurt us, particularly with children.

Of course, if an individual’s control of their behavior is erratic because they’ve consumed excessively or their addictions have overpowered their capacity to manage their cognitive abilities, reckless or hurtful words may be spoken out rashly.

But, in all conditions, the words could stem from unresolved emotions or hurt when the control of impulses is reduced.

Children’s capacity to regulate themselves is impacted by the development of immaturity and the development of their brains; therefore, it is the responsibility of adults to assist them in learning how to manage the emotions of children and to teach them ways to communicate their feelings healthily.

I aim to be conscious of my emotions and pay close attention to my words. Words can cause harm or create healthy relationships.

Motivation Driving Behavior

How often has your spouse returned home from work and shouted at their children? Did they do this because they were furious at their kids? Most likely not. It’s much more likely to be because of a stressful day at work or due to unmet needs surfacing.

A child might go to school and force another kid or teen about or even a teen. Someone else may humiliate the other student, not because they have committed any wrongs or caused any harm, but due to an overwhelming feeling of helplessness, an internal conflict that is not understood, or an unaddressed hurtful feeling.

An unloving attitude doesn’t make a person a wrong person. It’s just part of being human. Unkind acts usually indicate a need for self-care as well as self-compassion.

For all personal growth and relationships, the first step to love us and one another is being aware of the root of our choices.

If we don’t recognize the reason behind our actions and the assumptions that drive the steps, we’ll continue to shout at others, emotionally react, and slam others unintentionally. Self-awareness and emotional intelligence are vital to enhance communication.

Sometimes, we’re having bad days and need someone to listen, even when we’re acting badly. It’s important to admit what we’re feeling and what we require. All feelings are acceptable, but letting our emotions show on other people is not desirable in any relationship.

Increasing Self-Awareness: Mean What You Say and Say What You Mean

You’ve probably heard this saying, and it’s excellent advice. If you ever hear yourself say, “Sorry, I didn’t mean it,” take a look in your heart.

Are there any reasons why you could have intended it?

Repressed resentment popped into the air suddenly because you were unable to convey your feelings clearly and directly.

Have they ignored you, or did they do or do something that hurt you and didn’t get fixed?

It could be as simple as a person who has to cancel an appointment for dinner regardless of whether they have a valid reason.

How to Discern Our Internal Motivation and Find Out What We Need

The first step to loving with intention and developing more compassion for others is being aware of when we are not loving. If you notice yourself making a statement or doing something unkind, consider asking yourself afterward, “If I had a really good reason to act that way, what would it be?” (Not intended to serve as an excuse to misbehave. The question is merely an exercise to be introspective and help us become more transparent with our self-reflection.)

Next, Check whether you require anything to help you regain your calm sense of self. Perhaps you’d like to apologize or get your makeup done, or you’d like to talk to someone about something troublesome to you. Maybe all you have to be doing is to be more attentive to your feelings and be able to empathize with yourself if you make a decision whenever you realize the things that feel right.

Every time you go through this, you’ll experience greater and greater calm and will experience more minor and less impulsive attacks toward other people. Every every time, we try to comprehend our motivations instead of abusing our actions too fast and gaining self-confidence. Every time you act to correct anything that stands in the way of intimacy in a relationship, you develop more respect, intimacy, and trust.