I hear this complaint often from clients about their sexual intimacy with their long-term partners:

“We don’t do as much sex anymore.”

We have become complacent. “Sex is becoming more routine.”

Our honeymoon phase is over.

“I never really desire sex.”

Does it sound familiar to you?

This is normal.

It would be nice to think there was a simple solution to this “problem,” however, it is more complicated than just telling you to change your sex position or buy a vibrator (although… this might not hurt). In our society, I think we place a lot of emphasis on sex; when inevitable occurs with less frequency or painevitablyex, we are immediately bombarded by negative assumptions and insecurities. When this happens, most of the time, we do not turn towards our partners but instead become more and more close to them. How can we improve the sex between partners? What about a relationship that has been going on for a while, and things are becoming less exciting? Has the passion and newness of it all dissolved?

As with anything else in our relationship, we should expect that there will be changes. We cannot be consistent in all aspects of our lives. As we change daily about our jobs and appearances, as well as our motivations, we will feel differently about our partners. The problem is that we expect ourselves and our partners to always “be like it used to be” or to “get better” without having to work at it. Demands that they know what we want, need, and require. We insist that it remains easy, and we worry when it becomes harder to sustain.

Why?

I could talk about the impact of social media on our lives and relationships, including our sex. Still, I’ll skip this for now and say we have unrealistic expectations when it comes to what “a good sex experience” looks like in a relationship.

Suppose you are able to test yourself and change your expectations about your partner and sexual intimacy to match these realistic expectations. In that case, you may be able to reduce the pressure in your relationship or prevent negative assumptions from happening in the future.

• How to improve intimacy in a relationship: You will have to work on it for the rest of your life. It is a myth that the spark in a relationship will last forever and that there is something “wrong” if that spark starts to fade. This is not always true, even though there are exceptions. In a long-term relationship, you need to focus on emotional intimacy, respect, vulnerability, romance, and patience. If the sex slows down, it could be a sign that other aspects of your relationship need work. It would be best if you communicated about what needs you and your partner aren’t meeting in your relationship.
• How to improve sexuality in a relationship: You will need to explore your sexuality and insecurities. It is hard to know what you want (or even ask for it) if you don’t understand your body or aren’t aware of your struggles. As you grow older together, be excited to discover new sexual experiences and become more comfortable in your bodies. Use this Intimacy guide to inspire deeper understanding.
• How can you improve sex with your partner? Your partner might find that asking about their day or communicating about it is sexy. It may be that your partner finds this “foreplay,” which can lead to more frequent or passionate sex. You may be missing out on daily opportunities to develop the emotional connection and trust that will foster passion in your sexual lives.
• How do you improve your relationship’s sex? #4: Expect a cyclical sex life. It will sometimes feel easy, romantic, and passionate… but other times, it may be the last thought on your mind. This is normal. It doesn’t need to be a Ryan Gosling movie with romance, six-packs and a number of sex sessions per week. What you and your partner agree on as a “healthy and fulfilling sex life” will be what feels right for both of you. A “healthy” sex life, according to my belief, is about being open and feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable.
• How to improve sexual intimacy in a relationship: #5: Don’t expect your partner to be able to read your mind. You have to be able to communicate with your partner and know what you’re trying to say.
• How to improve sex within a relationship #6 – Expect that you and your partner will have different sexual drives. It’s not uncommon for couples to have different sex drives. You can work around others to fully understand and discuss what makes your partner go. patience and time are required…This requires dedication to your partner and understanding their needs.
• How to improve the sex of a relationship: #7 Expect to be rejected at times. You may feel left when you approach your partner for sex. This is normal, as no two people are alike. As a general rule, you should talk to your partner about your feelings when you initiate sex and how your feelings were hurt by being rejected. You can also ask your partner how they prefer to be approached in order to lessen the rejection. You could say, “I am sorry, babe. I really appreciate your efforts to get me moving, but I’m just too tired to go there right now.” Please reschedule for tomorrow. (And follow through). It can be devastating for a relationship if you don’t get along. Regularly initiate sex in an equally equal way.
• How to improve sex within a relationship #8 – Expect to feel insecure about sex at times and accept that you are human. As you become more comfortable with your partner, sexual insecurities are less likely to be as intense. This will allow you to communicate better about what it is that you want or need in the bedroom. It is impossible to explore sexuality with someone without feeling trust. Talk to them about this. You may find that they can give you the confidence to begin overcoming your self-image and sexuality issues.

It is important to note that sex does not have the highest priority in a relationship. You need to be willing to work on other aspects of a relationship to feel connected to your partner in order to experience a fulfilling sexual life. To have a successful long-term relationship, sex, and passion are essential components. But, the key is to build the other foundation of trust and vulnerability, and communicate with your partner.

It may be time to seek out help to bridge the gaps between you and your partner. This will create a solid base for your relationship. It is hard to maintain a passionate sexual life because it requires increasing intimacy and vulnerability.