Myths about ourself when we are dating

Noemi J. Mullins

Myth 1: There is only one person out there for me.

It is tough to date to find “The One”. There will never be one perfect person who can heal all our hurts and make us want to delete all of the apps. It is essential not to put too much pressure on a romantic relationship, especially initially, as it can lead to a sexual affair. In relationships, perfection is the enemy. We shouldn’t expect perfection from potential partners, even though we aren’t perfect. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on potential. To achieve meaningful growth, great potential is essential. Couples are expected to change and grow. Justin Lehmiller explained that there is a distinction between “destiny” relationships and “developmental relations.” These are relationships that can ebb, flow, navigate life’s many challenges, and grow from them. Destiny relationships, those of destiny and perfection and “the One” often end when the mythology about perfect love with “the One” is revealed in our relationships.

Myth 2: At a Certain Point, Marriage Should Be Possible.

We have shared a life with multiple people, and it was a good thing for some. People we love may not be the people with whom we can share a happy life. Life stories are different from love stories. There are other ingredients and different goals. It’s possible to have a wonderful, romantic interlude that lasts for several months. This can be completely disconnected from our reality and lead to a beautiful, fulfilling love. It has nothing to do with the complex scaffolding that sustains a life together. The idea of marriage as the ultimate goal for a romantic relationship reduces a complex set of needs and makes it difficult to have a meaningful social construct. What would have happened if we had set our goals in all previous relationships to marry? Most likely, we would have ended up in a miserable marriage or suffocating our relationship. Although relationships address many human needs and can cater to all our needs, they cannot meet all of them. Although marriage can be wonderful, asking for commitment and exclusivity in a relationship is normal. But remember that putting a ring on it does not automatically make two people more compatible.

MYTH 3 – I haven’t found the right person yet.

Sometimes, there is a pattern for those who jump from one relationship. After a few months of seduction, we find ourselves disinterested and disappointed in our new relationships. Why? Why? You can’t instill love, desire, and connection. These are the things that make us want more time with someone. They are co-created. Instead of wondering if we have found the right person for us, find out what it would feel like to be in a relationship where both partners are interested in each other. It is not the other person’s responsibility to win us over, keep our attention, heal and support us. While love can do many things, it cannot do all. Neither can our partners. Love is a verb and not a state of enthusiasm. It takes all members of the relationship to sustain it.

Myth 4: If I try harder with the person I am interested in, they will eventually come around.

Sometimes we have to express how much we love the person we are dating, and other times we should stop. It can be challenging to determine which one is right because they need to be reminded of the value we share. Or am I feeling rejected? Are these about us or me? Do I have the right to feel entitled, or can I privately deal with this uncontrollable rejection? If so, how? Disconnection can cause us to grip more tightly, even when our actions aren’t achieving our goals. Many reasons that someone we once felt a deep connection with may suddenly disappear. There is a distinction between self-degradation and trying harder. Self-degradation alone will not produce true love. Modern love and desire are about freedom of choice. It is impossible to make others love you. You can invite another person to love you. You can be kind and open-minded to allow others to love you. We must let go of someone we love if they aren’t interested in us.

MYTH 5 – I’ll Never Love Again

Guy Winch shared his TED Talk. “Brain studies have demonstrated that the withdrawal from romantic love activates many of the same mechanisms within our brains that are activated when addicts withdraw from drugs like cocaine and opioids.” “Almost everyone will experience heartbreak.” This is a painful experience that can leave us wanting never to try again. This is the voice that screams heartbreak. This voice focuses on the positive parts while ignoring the flaws. However, being honest about our shortcomings can help us heal and decide what we want from future relationships. Not because “the one” is a flawed concept, but because many people can and will love you. While it takes time to heal, love is not an infinite resource. Bonus: If and when we find someone who makes us feel like we are again in love, we’ll be thankful that other relationships didn’t work out.

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