Relationship accountability

Noemi J. Mullins

The relationship is most commonly used to refer to:

  •  An interpersonal relationship is a strong, close, or deep connection between two or more people  
  • Relationship and dependence, mathematical and statistical relationships between two variables or data sets
  • An ontology component that describes the semantic relationship
  • Love is a relationship between two people motivated by love or passion.

Although the need to connect with others seems to be an innate trait, developing healthy and loving relationships is possible. There is evidence that the ability for a child to have a stable relationship begins in infancy. This occurs when the child first experiences a caregiver who provides the child with the necessary care and support. These relationships are not inevitable but are thought to be deeply ingrained patterns in how people relate. Ending a relationship can be a source of great psychological pain.

Relationship Accountability and The Rise of Ghosting

The nature of relationships has been marked by rejection. Are the new trends in ghosting, icing, and simmering increasing our acceptance for ambiguous ends? I was invited to speak about modern love last month at a conference attended by 2,500 millennials. These new norms in intimate relationships were introduced to me and the vocabulary. Adam Devine, my friend, created a chart. This is what I refer to as stable ambiguity. It’s a pattern of being too afraid to be alone but unwilling to engage with intimacy building fully.

We want to have both our cake and our supper. We need someone to snuggle up with when it snows, but we also want to explore the world if there is something better.

Expectations and trust are constantly in question in this relationship culture. Stable ambiguity creates an environment where at least one person feels unresolved and unsure. Neither person feels valued or nurtured. This is at the cost of our emotional health and that of others.

Relationship accountability is back in fashion.

Ghosting, icing and simmering are all signs of a decline in empathy in society. It is the promotion of selfishness without considering the consequences for others. The ability to communicate via text doesn’t mean that we have the right to treat other people poorly.

I urge you to put an end to relationships with respect and closure, no matter how brief. Be kind and honest. This will allow both parties to enter their subsequent relationship with more experience, a clear mind and less insecurity.

Ideas to Incorporate into a Final Conversation:

  • Thank you so much for all the beautiful experiences I have had with you.
  • This is what I take from you.
  • These are the things I want you to bring with you.
  • This is what I want for you from now on.
  • Duos that dance in stable ambiguity don’t always end up in a breakup. Sometimes, this is when one or both of the parties realizes they want more. This is normal in a short, beginning phase, but it should not end a relationship.


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