Contrary to popular belief, reality television shows can be educational. The very scandals of cheating and heartbreaks that give these shows a “bad rap” have taught me some of the most valuable lessons in my life. My college professors couldn’t have taught me anything half as useful: recognize red flags. Bravo is the only network that has trained me on how to spot red flags.

You may not be aware of the current Vanderpump Rules controversy, but you should know that Tom Sandoval has been accused by his longtime girlfriend, Ariana Madix, who is also a cast member of the show, of cheating with Raquel Levss. She’s another cast member of the show. Are we angry? Absolutely. Are we still shocked? Sadly, no.

This is not the first or last Bravo relationship disaster. For quite some time, the men of Bravo have been struggling. They’ve practically waved red flags over their heads like girls trying to get Harry Styles to read their signs during a concert. We’ve seen them and are taking notes to help us avoid falling for them, not in our relationships. Bravo-relationships has compiled a list of red flags that you should be on the lookout for.

The cheater has cheated on multiple relationships.

What are Tom Sandoval and James Kennedy of Vanderpump Rules, Randall Emmets from RHONY, and Shep Rose from Southern Charm doing in a bar? Most likely, they are cheating on each other. Again.

Each of them has been unfaithful to more than one partner. When they’re not Prince Charming for our favorite Bravo women…it adds. It’s never fun to learn that someone you are interested in has ever cheated. It’s important to listen and be willing to work with them. Every relationship is unique. If they have been unfaithful to a number of partners prior to you, this is something that should be taken into consideration. If they say they have changed, it’s not a one-off mistake. Take their words with a grain of salt.

Your friends are pointing to you as they point out their red flags.

It would be best if you never ignored the fact that people make you happy. Duh! If more than one person tells you they have noticed some negative things about your partner or potential partner, then that is definitely something worth noting. It’s not about comments from people who are not close to you but rather those whose opinions you respect and trust. If you like, your ride-or-die.

Luann from RHONY and Ariana from Vanderpump Rules both had some of their closest loved ones express concerns over their respectful Toms during the early stages of their relationships (yes… Tom dirtied both…we will get to that later). They were wearing rose-colored lenses and only discovered the true colors of their partners later. Remember to listen to your gut instincts, but also remember that people who are looking out for you may be able to see those red flags sooner than you.

In the early stages, they’re a bit too secretive.

You don’t have to tell someone your whole life story, including your social security number, within one month of speaking. Please don’t. It’s totally fine to take time when opening up to someone. There’s a big difference between taking the time to be open and hiding information you don’t wish them to know. This is not an easy red flag to spot, but it’s one that you should be on the lookout for.

Take Lala Kent of Vanderpump Rules and Randall Emmett as an example. Lala claims Randall paid her $14,000 in the beginning to keep their relationship a secret. You may ask why. He was still married to his former wife and did not want anyone to know. Although most cases don’t go to this extreme (and Godspeed if they do), it is a reminder to be cautious of people who are holding back. This is a red flag, whether they are hiding something about themselves or you from the public.

You get angry when you cannot control something.

Is Lenny acting resentful toward Lisa on RHOM due to her infertility problems? When he was angry with her because vendors arrived late at a party, he and Lisa were throwing? The jaw was on the floor. Lisa clearly had no control over those things, and it was a horrible sight to watch her get blamed by someone who was supposed to be her biggest fan. We now know that this type of behavior does not belong in the workplace.

You are not a punching bag! Beware of partners that take their frustrations out on you when things don’t go as planned. This is a sign of immaturity and manipulation. If you see this happening often, you should bring it up.

If their name is Tom, then run.

Tom Schwartz, Tom Sandoval, Tom D’Agostino, Tom Girardi…need I say more? Tom is listed in thesauruses as a synonym for sleazy. It would be best if you didn’t judge a book based on its cover. But you can, and should, judge this name. Save yourself time. Anti-Tom era incoming.

We’re obviously joking. (All the Toms are still on thin ice with Bravo viewers, however). The name has nothing to do with it. It’s all about the type of person they are in a relationship with: someone you can’t rely on, who is full of excuses, and who will gaslight you. It would be best if you never gave your energy and time to a partner like this. Trust your gut and remember that you are worth so much more. Do not ignore or justify the big red flags. We are not going to follow in Bravolebrity’s footsteps.